John Gottman, a professor of psychology,conducted a study that can predict with 93.6 percent accuracy whether a couple is going to break up. Mr. John Gottman looks for specific indicators that help determine problems in the relationship.
In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, he outlines what he is looking for when he predicts who is going to break up and who will stay happily together. What’s more, he identifies four indicators that can kill any relationship. Gottman calls them “the four horsemen of the apocalypse”.
All couples go through difficulties, but the main thing is not to let these difficulties break your relationship. So, in our article, you can find a list of “the four horsemen of the apocalypse”. Let’s check them out!
When you criticize your partner it indicates his shortcomings. Frequent criticism can lead to disagreement between partners, and you will tend to drift apart. Respect your partner and your relationship! And remember that criticism can lead you to breakup.
"Defensiveness escalates conflict rather than helping to solve it, and it involves rejecting any responsibility for problems, and thereby putting all the responsibility on your partner”, says Mr. Gottman. Your defensiveness reveals your fear of being responsible for the relationship!
“You’re saying, in effect, the problem isn’t me, it’s you”, John Gottman writes in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
Stonewalling means withdrawing from a conversation, even if physically present. The first rule of any healthy relationship – you have to talk to each other. Solve your problems and do not leave the conversation. Stonewalling will not help you maintain the relationship!
Oh no! Contempt is a symptom of an abusive relationship. You should not allow the contempt to take control of your relationship! “Contempt is poisonous to a relationship because it conveys disgust. It’s virtually impossible to resolve a problem when your partner is getting the message you’re disgusted with him or her," says Mr. Gottman.
If you have some difficulties in the relationship, you can fix your problems and give it a second life. The choice is yours! Do you choose to be happy or to break up?
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