It’s quite obvious that engaging in intimate activities with your partner helps strengthen the relationship. A study published in the Social Psychological and Personality Science journal goes further: sex may not be always desired by both parties, but indulging one’s partner’s needs even while feeling low libido is good for the relationship. As long as it is consensual, it’s good!
Let’s delve into the issues of sexual intimacy in long-term, established relationships. There are some truths you might find surprising!
#1. Men may have low libido, too. The depiction of men as perpetually sex-ready organisms is not correct. Men suffer from same problems as women: health problems, the strain of stress, weariness, mental health issues. All of these are contributing factors to low sex drive in all sexes. So the jokes about women having “headaches” at night only depict the issue from one side. Men may as well start feeling less and less inclined towards having sex in long-term relationships.
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#2. Not really “feeling like it” doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy it. Again, as long as there is consent expressed by all parties, sex may actually turn out better than expected. A longer foreplay session might turn out to be a game-changer. Even if not, being and feeling closer to your partner is a great benefit. It’s important not to cloud your mind with NOs, try keeping your options open.
#3. Respect comes first. Naturally, a healthy, especially long-term, relationship should be based on respect and compromising. If that’s the baseline of your relationship, you may already see how easy it is to accommodate your partner’s needs. Sex, when desired by only one of the parties, does not have to be a sacrifice, a “clench your teeth and soldier through it” experience on the other partner’s part.
#4. Not craving intimacy is sometimes an indicator of non-sex issues in relationships. If we feel or know there’s something not entirely ok in our relationship, we often stop desiring our partners until the problems prevail. In this case, couple’s therapy could be a step in the right direction.
#5. No “surprise factor”? No problem. Healthy sex doesn’t have to be spontaneous at all times. Having a “schedule” isn’t boring! This only means the two of you are trying to compromise and respect each other’s needs.
#6. Stop keeping score. Sometimes, when the low sex drive of one of the partners starts to manifest itself more prominently, it may make the other partner focus too much on the feeling of being rejected. Even if their partner’s low libido has nothing to do with them, the other partner starts remembering all the cases of sexual rejection in other relationships. Keeping score is not healthy. First of all, you’re too focused on yourself. Secondly, don’t use your sex life to accuse or humiliate your partner.
#7. “Bed death” isn’t a given. There’s this deep-rooted belief that sex in long-term relationships becomes obsolete with time, but it’s not true! Of course, sometimes, sex with your long-term partner could transform in something less spontaneous and athletic, but it doesn’t mean the spark won’t be there. Low-key sex isn’t always low-desire sex.
#8. Sex with the same partner does not equal dull sex. For those of us in monogamous relationships, sex is an exclusive one-on-one affair. Like we’ve already stated above, cultivating respect for our partner’s needs and keeping our minds open is great for sex life. As for the “age” issue, think about it this way: the more mature you get, the more experience you gain, and there are still countless opportunities for exploration and experimentation.
We at BetterMe want everyone to know and experience true love. It is out there for everyone and until it knocks on your door we are here to remind you that you deserve the best love!
You can help us spread this love by sharing this with those around you and letting us know what you think in the comments below.