When we look back on a past relationship, we tend to dissect it, to figure out what went wrong and, sometimes to assign blame. And if it was our partner who broke up with us, we tend to see that relationship as a failure. A failed relationship tends to have a tragic air about it, even if everybody tries to reassure us that it is not a failure. We go in with high hopes and expect it to go somewhere beautiful and, when it doesn’t, we feel sad about it. There is hardly anything positive to feel at the time.
Instead, what you should be doing is look up at a new life with new people and new opportunities. You just have to get up and reach out to grab it. Here are some tips to help you along.
#1. Accept it happened, but don’t dwell on it
It happened. The only thing you can do now is acknowledge that it happened. But, this should definitely not be the only thing that you think about. Use meditation to become aware of your positive and negative thoughts, and instead of interacting with them, you should focus on just accepting the fact that they are there. Watch them float through your mind and know that, as they have entered, so they will eventually leave. Bad thoughts about things that happened in the past are like poison. The more you struggle against them, the deeper they go and the more damage they do. Accept that something bad has happened to you and let its memory drift out of your life.
#2. Disable social media
Social media can be a pain after someone broke up with you and you are trying hard to move on, especially because you can see the other person there, enjoying life, and that feels like a stab through your heart. You are all in shambles and he is out partying. What you can do is delete him from your contact list or disable your profile until you feel able to go back out there again. Deleting him from your contact list might seem a bit extreme at first, but remember that you are trying to get over him, so he doesn’t need to be there anyway.
#3. Don’t cling
You know you should not be clingy in a relationship because men will stop respecting you if you are. And now, when the relationship is over, you should give up clinging completely. The thought of sending him a message to trying to win him back can be quite tantalizing, but you should resist it with all you’ve got. Experience teaches us that such a message, instead of making him think about giving you a second chance, will only make you look clingy and desperate, and that is definitely not what you should want right now. Have some self-respect and avoid debasing yourself in his eyes. Realize that you are much better than that, that you are the cool one and just don’t send that text.
#4. Focus on the bad bits
After a breakup, when we think about the relationship, we have a cunning talent to only remember the good parts. It’s like the bad parts got edited out of this reel by your own brain. So, you need to reverse the process. Remember that the relationship ended for a reason, and start pulling on that thread. Remembering the bad parts of the relationship will help you get over it easier.
#5. Head outdoors
The worst thing you can inflict on yourself is house arrest. That is, sitting inside and brooding all day long. Which thoughts do you think will come to the front? The good or the bad ones? Go out, enjoy the sunshine and fresh air, even if you really don’t feel like it at first. Going out of the house will help you put some distance between yourself and the familiar settings which remind you of him and your freshly defunct relationship.
#6. Don’t EVER start a “What if…”
If you feel particularly masochistic, go ahead and start imagining “what if” scenarios. You will manage to cause yourself only pain. But if you want to get over the whole thing, remember that the past is and must stay in the past. You are in the present, looking towards the future. Stop dwelling on the past, imagining “what ifs”. Accept that life has a learning curve which is very abrupt sometimes and that the only way you can go is forward. You can always learn from your mistakes, but you can’t change the outcome of what you’ve already experienced. Nobody can.
We at BetterMe want everyone to know and experience true love. It is out there for everyone and until it knocks on your door we are here to remind you that you deserve the best love!
You can help us spread this love by sharing this with those around you and letting us know what you think in the comments below.