Different people like absolutely different manifestations of attention and love. Everyone has his own understanding of how he wants to be treated. This is a kind of a personal language, which does not always coincide with the partner's language.
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For some people, constant care and help are the true manifestations of love, for others - signs of attention in the form of surprises, gifts and flowers. However, what can you do if you really want to be given flowers and gifts, compliments, and your partner does not understand this? In search of answers to this question, we came across the book "Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.
Chapman separates the concepts of love and amorousness. Amorousness is a temporary emotional surge that suddenly comes to life and also unexpectedly leaves it. Love is a choice, an act of will that requires discipline and the need for growth. You do a lot of things for another person, and you are happy that you are in love.
Conscious choice is opposed to the euphoria of falling in love. You can love each other even after feelings have gone. The question is to make the right choice in favor of love and respect for the interests of your partner. The main thing is to talk to your companion using his language. The author distinguishes five languages of love: encouraging words, time, gifts, help, touch.
#1. Encouraging words. There are those who finds it very important to be appreciated and praised. When such people are admired, they are grateful and ready for any requests. For example, to instill confidence in your partner, you just have to praise him from time to time. The right words give determination and tune to victory. It is important to be able to admire not only impressive results, but also to believe in the possibility of your partner. Talk about virtues, not drawbacks and he will do everything for you.
#2. Time. For people who speaks the language of time, the main thing is to spend time together with each other. Being together means paying attention to each other, and not just being around. When you spend time together, you should pay full attention to your partner, talk, focus on your interlocutor, and not create the illusion of doing all these things. Often people misunderstand the needs of their partner. If the language of your partner is time, do not rush to find solutions to his problems. You need to be able to show that you understand how hard and offensive your partner is, because he wants understanding. It is necessary to listen, to empathize, to try to understand the thoughts, feelings and desires of the other person. Sometimes learning to listen is almost as difficult as learning a foreign language. However, to understand the partner, it will have to be done. Try not to advise, but to sympathize. Try to understand, not to offer a solution. Ask more questions and try to focus on the person, not on his problem.
#3. Gifts. For many, to love and to give is one and the same. So, for someone gifts are the visible symbols of love. Symbols are of emotional value. At the same time, the price of gifts is absolutely not important, because the main thing is attention. When you are looking for a gift, you are thinking about a person and spend your time on it. The language of gifts is the simplest. You can buy some little thing or make something with your own hands. Even your presence can become a gift. If you understand that you need this kind of attention, say it out loud. Perhaps your partner simply does not understand that this is so important for you.
#4. Help. If it seems to you that your partner does not help you, and you are tired of doing everything yourself, then your language is help. For this type of people, helping is doing something for the other. The help can be different: to fix something, to meat from work, to clean apartment or to walk a dog.
Helping a partner, you try to please him, showing your love. After all, help takes time and effort. If it is really important to get help from your partner, but he does not understand it, ask him. You need to ask for help, but do not order.
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#5. Touch. For some people, the only way to feel love is by touching. It is very important for such people to hold hands, they need to be hugged, kissed, touched. Be careful: not everything that you like can be liked by your partner, so it is better to ask him about his desires. It is very important for such people to feel the physical closeness of a person. If your partner belongs to this group, the main thing that you need to do is to be near in a difficult moment. In your arms a person will find more comfort than in any supporting words.
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We at BetterMe want everyone to know and experience true love. It is out there for everyone and until it knocks on your door we are here to remind you that you deserve the best love!
You can help us spread this love by sharing this with those around you and letting us know what you think in the comments below.